Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
