It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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