The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
