Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
