I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
