This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
