On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize