Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
