I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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