I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
