dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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