I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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