We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
