That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
