Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
