You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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