How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
