Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize