Don't you send me to vm
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
