I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
