I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
