I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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