Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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