just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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