Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
