theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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