You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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