Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
