I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
