I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
