too bad you live with your parents still
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
