i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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