You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
