I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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