if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
