You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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