I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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