I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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