Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
