He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
