Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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