are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
