im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize