The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think a kid would responsible me up
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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