So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You're earring is so big in my mouth
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
