I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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