Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
