I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
