Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize