remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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