I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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