Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
