You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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