Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I love you.
Bad choice
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
