he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
