Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
