then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
