@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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